The Challenge of Funerals
Catholic pastors face many difficult challenges. I suspect that often, weddings and funerals
are two of the big ones. I wrote on the
importance of good marriage preparation recently. Like weddings, funerals are important
Catholic services, with very specific religious purposes. And like weddings, our culture has totally
secularized them. Unlike weddings, which
are usually planned over a period of months when people are in happy, excited
moods, funerals are often planned in only a couple of days by people suffering
through emotional turbulence. I imagine
that presents a very unique pastoral challenge.
I have been to numerous beautiful, spiritual Catholic
funerals. But we all know that our
culture sees funerals as very different events than the Church does. What happens when a non-practicing child, for
example, has to plan a funeral for a deeply religious parent? The parent deserves a proper Catholic
funeral, but the child is not as interested.
And because of the deep pain the child is suffering through, it is not
the most opportune time for catechesis.
So what is a funeral?
We often hear funerals described as, “A celebration of the life
of…” It is certainly important and
praiseworthy to celebrate the lives of our deceased loved ones, but that is not
what a funeral is for. Neither is it primarily
a tool to help grieving family and friends cope, though that too is essential,
and is certainly an important role of the Church. A funeral is not a pseudo-canonization
ceremony, dedicated to extolling the virtues of the departed and contemplating
on the effect he is now having on Heaven.
A funeral is a commending of a soul to God. The focus is the deceased, and the focus
should be on prayer for the deceased. It
usually takes place in the context of a Mass, so worship of God is central. And it is an opportunity for the Church, the
family of God, to commend a brother or sister into the Hands of the Lord with
prayer, and if that person be in Purgatory, to offer sacrifice for the sake of
his or her purification.
It is a very beautiful thing.
And for those who understand it, it provides deep spiritual healing for
grieving family and friends, not to mention spiritual benefits to the
deceased. It can even be considered, in
some ways, “a celebration of the life of,” since there is no better celebration
than the perfect worship of God, offered for the soul of our beloved.
The Church sees funerals so differently than our culture does
because the Church sees death so differently than our culture does. “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the
death of his faithful ones” (Psalm 116:15).
It is a sign of beauty, love, and eternal hope. We have so much more to offer than does our
culture, but when someone who does not understand is planning a funeral, it can
pose a difficult pastoral challenge.
Understandably, the community wants to be sensitive and
supportive, but also to give the deceased the dignified, prayerful, proper
funeral that he deserves.
The time to start teaching people these things is not the
three emotional days during which a funeral is being planned. It is now.
It is always. We must be sure
that people understand the beautiful spiritual treasures the Church wishes to
dispense, so that when the time comes, they are received with joy. It also may lead to the essential practice of
continued Masses being offered for our beloved dead. They should not be forgotten at the altar
when the funeral Mass is over.
Another difficult issue is the proper burial of one’s earthly
remains. It is critical that we make
known our belief in the resurrection of the body. We say we believe in it during every
Creed. When we die, our soul goes to God
for particular judgment. A soul, being
purely spiritual, can not be killed.
Our bodies, of course, are buried. But, at the end of time, when Christ returns,
our bodies will rise, and our soul and body will be reunited for all eternity. The saved will receive glorified bodies, but
they will be their bodies. As such, the
treatment of earthly remains is very important.
It has been throughout all of Christian and Jewish history.
Generally a body is to be buried on sacred ground. A body can be cremated, provided it is not
meant to display a lack of faith in the resurrection of the body (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2301). But the ashes should be buried or placed in a
mausoleum. Again, our bodies should
await their resurrection with a dignified burial on sacred ground, whenever
possible.
This, too, provides a difficult pastoral challenge. Many people want the ashes of their loved
ones kept in their homes or scattered at some place they found special during
life. Again, this is such an emotional
issue and such an emotional time, pastorally, priests want to be sensitive and
supportive. But the fact is, the
deceased (and God) deserve to have the remains properly buried.
I remember the struggle a friend of mine had at the death of
her brother. His wife wanted his ashes
dumped into the ocean because he enjoyed being out there on his boat. My friend gently requested a proper Christian
burial and even offered to pay for it.
Not only was this offer rejected, my friend suffered great
scorn from her sister-in-law and even her family, who found the request to be
selfish. But there was nothing selfish
about it. She did not wish it for her
own sake, but for her brother. She felt,
out of love for him, that he at least deserved that she make the offer, even
though she found it very uncomfortable.
It was profoundly unselfish. Many
of us have found ourselves in similar situations. It is at these times we need to pray for both
courage and prudence.
But we also need to pray for greater catechesis on these
issues all the time. May the beauty of
the Church’s teachings, received from God Himself, be known and
celebrated. During this time at the end
of the year, when our readings focus on the end times, it should remind us that
even those not alive to see those days, will face their own end at some
point. Perhaps it is a good time for us
as individuals, and as a Church, to prepare.
